a preview of adulthood...

Sadly, I was completely unproductive towards my goals during my two days off; however, I did have a most wonderful time with my family. =]
This Christmas break has been unlike any other Christmas break I've had before because I have to work. I have never had to work during Christmas break before. And while I don't like it very much at all, I am getting a preview of adult life in the working world that I will soon be joining after my college graduation in April. I'm thinking that time management skills are a must.
So, anyway, here's to all you working citizens whom do not have a month long winter vacation like college students.

Mistletoe kisses and holiday wishes!
~xo

Too Busy To Relax

I have a couple goals I want to complete during winter holiday and I am sad to say I have yet to even begin any of them :( I have been working soo much and haven't really had time to do anything when I am home other than catch up on sleep.
Although, I am happy to say I have the next two days off work. -Alleluia!!-
So, I am hoping very much to be productive toward my goals during the next two days. I am not sure how productive my efforts will actually be due to plans with my family, but I am definitely going to try. There will also be a second chance next week to be productive due to another two days off -woot! woot!-

Wish me luck...

P.S. Happy Christmas Eve everyone!

-xo

Agenda 2010

I have completed fall semester of senior year and I am so ready to enjoy winter holiday. I can assure you my holiday will be anything but boring. Even though I will be on vacation from school, I'm not going to be on vacation from the rest of my busy life. There is much for me to do in the month of December to wrap up the year 2010 and prepare for the year 2011.

My agenda for Decmeber 2010:

1. Work. Bath & Body Works basically owns me over break. And I am not complaining. I am so blessed to have a job and happy to have a job I like.
2. Complete peace corps application. This is also on my 2010 resolution list, but I have yet to check it off my list.
3. Read. I made a new reading list and would like to begin putting a dent in it over winter holiday.
4. Master degree inquiry. I have decided I want to get my masters. Now, I need to do some research to determine what, where, when, and how much.

Speaking of resolutions 2010, I am happy to say I have completed my list! I am not going to bore you by listing all of my resolutions, you can look in past blogs if your interested. But never the less, operation resolution list complete =)

Stay tuned, more to come to this blog near you :)

Stay With Your Pain (I'll Walk This Way)

Stay with your pain

When you experience the deep pain of loneliness, it is understandable that your thoughts go out to the person who was able to take that loneliness away, even if only for a moment. When, underneath all the praise and acclaim, you feel a huge absence that makes everything look useless, your heart wants only one thing- to be with the person who once was able to dispel these frightful emotions. But it is the absence itself, the emptiness within you, that you have to be willing to experience, not the one who could temporarily take it away.

It is not easy to stay with your loneliness. The temptation is to nurse your pain or to escape into fantasies about people who will take it away. But when you acknowledge your loneliness in a safe, contained place, you make your pain available for God’s healing.

God does not want your loneliness; God wants to touch you in a way that permanently fulfills your deepest need. It is important that you dare to stay with your pain and allow it to be there. You have to own your loneliness and trust that it will not always be there. The pain you suffer now is meant to put you in touch with the place where you most need healing, your very heart. The person who was able to touch that place has revealed to you your pearl of great price.

It is understandable that everything you did, are doing, or plan to do seems completely meaningless compared with that pearl. That pearl is the experience of being loved. When you experience deep loneliness, you are willing to give up everything in exchange for healing. But no human being can heal that pain. Still, people will be sent to you to mediate God’s healing, and they will be able to offer you the deep sense of belonging that you desire and that gives meaning to all you do.

Dare to stay with your pain, and trust in God’s promise to you.

growing up

It takes courage to grow up and be who you really are.

-ee cummings

It's amazing how much we learn and grow and change in such short amounts of time.

This year, I am learning a lot about growing up. It's not as easy as I thought it would be. It can often be very difficult trying to sort out your feelings and beliefs, and determine who you really are and what makes you, you. When you begin to feel who you are deep within your soul, it can be scary to let that light shine.
There are moments that mark your life, moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same again, and time is divided into two parts, before this and after this, now sometimes you can feel such a moment coming, that's the test, or so I tell myself at times like these: strong people keep moving forward anyway, no matter what they're gonna find.

Slowing Down

In the words of good ol' Pastor T "God us all kinds of things to get us to slow down."

This got me thinking.

As for Pastor T, God might be using the aging process to slow him down

But for me...??

At the moment, I am thinking God might be using my computer to slow me down.

I am so thankful to have a working computer! However, my computer is old and slower than turtles stampeding through peanut butter in January. Although the slowness of my computer often frustrates me, I sometimes think it is God's way of telling me I do not need to be on the computer right now, and that I should be making better use of my time. Which makes sense since computers seem to be about fast speed connection, right-here-right-now, and all that jazz. When I really just need to slow down; take some time to "smell the roses."

So I encourage you to take some time today (even if only five or ten minutes) to just "smell the roses" and have some you time. Whether that is sipping some hot coffee or hot chocolate, doing a few yoga stretches, reading a good book, whatever it is that slows and calms you.

And on the seventh day God rested. Find some peace and serenity in your day today. It's good for the soul.

Decisions, Decisions...

Oh my my! I have so many decisions to make:
What career do I want to pursue after graduation? Where shall I live after graduation?
How will I manage to pay my student loans, food, rent, etc.? Should I pursue a masters asap or take a break for a couple of years?
And the list goes on....and on!

Along with these decisions comes some stress and a wee bit of pressure from the people around me like my parents, family, boyfriend, and my boyfriend's parents. I am sure none of these people intend to put pressure on me, but it just kind of happens because I don't want to disappoint any of them and all that jazz.

However I can say this:
Though I'm freaking out a bit (okay, a lot) about life after graduation (which is only five months away), I am confident in my God. The Lord of heaven and earth, whose love for me out numbers the stars. I trust he will continue to care for me, guide me, and protect me in all my ways, as he has always done.

I want to encourage you, where ever you might be in your life, to know the Lord holds you in the palms of his hands with forever lasting love. Place your trust in him always for he will never fail you, because he loves you and "love never fails" (1Corinthians13:8).

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose confidnece is in him.

He will be like a tree planted by the water

that sends out its roots by the stream.

It does not fear when heat comes;

its leaves are always green.

It has not worries in a year of drought

it never fails to bear fruit.

Jeremiah 17:7-8

Surrender (Marc James)

I'm giving you my heart, and all that is within

I lay it all down for the sake of you my King

I'm giving you my dreams, I'm laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to you, all to you

And I surrender all to you, all to you

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

And all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

An Answered Prayer

I have been praying so much for so long for God to break my heart for what breaks his and reveal to me what is "my calling." Today my prayers just might have been answered. While I am still not sure what breaks my heart (amongst what does break my heart), I think I have potentially discovered my calling. I was in a meeting today with one of my professors about studying abroad and that's when it hit me...this is what I want to do. I want to help American students travel and study abroad, and help students from other nations travel and study in America, in addition to maybe being able to travel abroad myself every once in a blue moon.

I lift my eyes to the hills-

where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord,

The Maker of heaven and earth.

He will not let your foot slip-

he who watches over you will not slumber;

indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

The Lord watches over you-

the Lord is your shade at your right hand;

the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

The Lord will keep you from all harm-

he will watch over your life;

the Lord will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

Psalm 121

Letters to God

Dear God,          (11.20.10)
My mom tells me that her husband and my older brother (in addition to his girlfriend) are interested in seeking a church! Now, if my twin sister could just get on board the Jesus boat, that would be probably one of the greatest things yet as well as a miracle. Although, I suppose praying on her behalf would help which I haven't done much of lately.
God, I'm trying to learn to "bloom where I am planted." I've been learning good (&encouraging) stuff lately. You see, I kind of feel a bit lost sometimes, not knowing what my future or even tomorrow holds in store for me. And I know I am not suppose to worry about that because you will care, protect, and provide for me as you always have. But I am human and so I tend to worry sometimes. (Please forgive me Lord).
In spite of that, you worked through my friend, Tricia L., teaching me that although I feel I am in a lost spot, I am really not. I am where I am suppose to be; where you want me. It is easy for me to lose sight of this truth, but I do; I pray for you please help me to not forget this truth.
I feel like much of my indecisiveness is from not knowing "my calling" or for what my heart breaks. Although, I often wonder if knowing that now will make a difference. I feel you will reveal such things to me in your time. I'm just a little impatient. Or, maybe deep down inside my heart has been broken and I might actually know what my calling is but I am just too blind to see it I guess.
I am not sure of this or anything really, but my prayer is that you break my heart for what breaks yours (in your time of course). Until then, I will do my best to be patient.
Signed, Yours Truly

Dear God,          (11.20.10)
I am so confused with just about everything. At the moment, my relationship with my boyfriend is on my mind. Are we meant for each other? I feel that we are because we are so compatible and our relationship seems to be nearly "perfect." But I sometimes wonder if we still want the same things in life. I know: so many questions and so much worry. Just follow my heart, soul, and mind taking everything one day at a time.
Signed, Yours Truly

Dear God,          (11.21.10)
Today in church, Pastor Taylor had us write a letter to ourselves when we were sixteen sharing knowledge we have now that we wished we knew then. What would we tell ourselves. At first, I wasn't going to do it because I forgot my note pad. But then Denise (sitting next to me) offered me some paper, and so I did it. And I am glad I did. It was a great exercise. It also helped me gain some perspective. It was one of those moments when you need to listen to your own advise. Anyway, I was glad I did it.
Signed, Yours Truly

Dear God,          (11.21.10)
Having the apartment to myself this weekend really made me wonder about my desire to be independent and if I really want to enter into the "real world" on my own or might I actually want a roommate(s). Hmmm.....I don't know, just a few things I'm wondering.
Signed, Yours Truly

Dear God,          (11.21.10)
It's kind of ironic how I am so uncertain about so many things, there's so much I don't know, and so much I'm scared of and worry about. Yet just the thought of you and being certain of you, I have this exciting happy feeling inside of me. And it's almost as if my fears and uncertainties disappear. I like that knowing and truly trusting in you not only feels so good but is so good.
Signed, Yours Truly

Dear Boyfriend,          (11.21.10)
I have so many mixed feelings about you. I love you, while at the same time I wonder "what is love?" "Is how I feel about/for you love?" Some days I am so certain of our relationship and a future life together, and other days I question if maybe our relationship is too perfect and too good to be true. Is this all a daydream, or could it be that God really was thinking of me when he made you.
 I don't have the answers to any of these curiosities, including how you may feel about me. However, I can promise you this: where ever our relationship goes from here it will be because it is the Lord's will, just as he intended our lives to be.
I promise I will do my best as we grow in our relationship with each other and Christ.
XO- Signed, Yours Truly

Dear God,           (11.22.10)
It's nearly 4am and I have yet to fall asleep. This has been happening a lot lately. I will admit tonight could be results of the coffee I had at 6pm on my way to work this evening. But what's the excuse for all the other nights? My internal clock is so messed up.
Lord, will you please help me find rest at night.
I might go crazy if this continues much longer.
Signed, Restless

from Mocking Bird

1. Never let anyone tell you that your dream is too far from reach.

2. Never let the bitterness of others influence your decisions to have the life you want.

3. Never allow the insecurities of others creep into your mind to let them overtake your own.

4. Never forget your dreams.

5. Never believe that one person, no matter how convincing they may be, has all the answers.

6. Never forget how lucky you are to have a passion- lots of people never find theirs.

7. Always know that what scares you is usually what will make you better.

8. Always remember what makes you happy.

(Amanda, Mocking Bird)

It's beginning to look a lot..like...Christmas?!

Every year, year after year, stores cheerfully deck the halls in preparation for the Christmas holidays.
What's the problem?? It's not even Thanksgiving yet!!
Stores are turning Christmas into a two month celebration. On my way to school the other day I discovered radio stations that are already playing holiday music 24/7. Stores already began displaying Christmas products and what not before it was even Halloween. Once Halloween was over, it hit the fan. I'm pretty sure Santa's elves threw up everywhere in the local mall. It seems like stores are prepping for Christmas earlier and earlier every year. Do not get me wrong: I think Jesus' birth is an event to be celebrated/recognized every day of the year. My main concern is that by gearing up for Christmas early, many people are overlooking another very important American holiday: Thanksgiving. Again, Don't get me wrong: recognizing and celebrating all that we have to be thankful for is something that should be done every day, not just one designated day a year. But it doesn't mean that we shouldn't embrace the day set aside for this celebration to be thankful.

However, as much as I don't care for the early start to Christmas advertising before Thanksgiving, every year I'm getting closer to the whole "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" concept. Don't worry I haven't gone to the dark side yet! Although, it's tempting more and more every year, just because....well, I mean what else can a girl do. Though, I am getting the feeling that many others are on the same page as me this year, agreeing that Christmas advertising and what not has begun waaay to early. So, ya never know, maybe we might see a change in how early we begin Christmas advertising.
But as for me, I will not be playing Christmas music until after Thanksgiving.

So, to all my readers: Happy November!!! I wish you all well and many blessings this wonderful autumn season :)

Jeremiah

I have loved you with an everlastin love; I have drawn you with loving kindness. Jeremiah 31:3

a love blog

"Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired." -- Robert Frost

"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Boys and girls in America have such a sad time together; sophistication demands that they submit to sex immediately without proper preliminary talk. Not courting talk- real straight talk about souls, for life is holy and every moment is precious.” -- Jack Kerouac, On the Road

"Sex without love is absolutely ridiculous. Sex follows love, it never precedes it." -- Sophia Loren

"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity." -- Albert Einstein

"Newlyweds become oldyweds, and oldyweds are the reasons that families work." -- Author Unknown

 

"There's a jukebox in my ear

Playing so loud I can hardly hear

It's tellin' a story about a boy like you

And each selection that I make

Tells me how my heart will break

For falling in love with a boy like you."

-- Boy Like You

Loretta Lynn

"Women wish to be loved without a why or a wherefore; not because they are pretty, or good, or well-bred, or graceful, or intelligent, but because they are themselves." -- Henri Frederic Amiel

Reading List

I have already begun a new reading list of books I want to read. The list contains five books thus far; I think I am going to challenge myself. I'd like to see how many I will read before spring semester.

Blue Like Jazz
Searching for God Knows What
A Million Miles in A Thousand Years
by Donald Miller

In addition to: Boundaries and Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

a psalm

Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom....Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:12,14 NIV

Lift my sights, Lord. Let me see today, and each duty in this day, as you see it.

Footprints

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord, “You promised me Lord, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints in the sand, is when I carried you.”

This is another story I really like. The Lord is always with us.

xo peace and love :]

The Star Thrower

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "I made a difference to that one!"

I like this story; It reminds me every person can make difference.
My prayer today is to encourage you to make a difference.
 xoxo Peace and Love <3

I want to follow you

I was going to blog about my desire for God to break my heart. But then, just as I began my blog, I was talking to my friend Ben. We had just learned of each other's interest in blogging. After sharing my blog address, I asked for his blog address continuing on to say "I want to follow you."
Immediately, the thought came to mind of Jesus telling his disciples to follow him. I thought wow, how easy it was to say that to my friend Ben. Also, how easily I have said that to God.
But as I look back, I see how challenging it really is to follow Jesus. To follow Jesus is definitely easier said than done. Jesus has big shoes to fill (...or should I say sandal's, haha). It hurts a bit to think that sometimes I haven't really tried all that hard to follow Jesus; that I give up and give in to Satan and temptation too easily, too many times.
As much as I desire God to break my heart for what breaks his, I realize that I need to be more adamant in following Jesus. Before God can break our hearts, we need to spend time with God and get to know him like we do our friends, boy/girlfriends, and husbands and wives. It is in getting to know God that we will know what breaks his heart. Then, there will be that moment in which your heart breaks and not only can you no longer deny God, but you breathe only to aid that break in your heart for God and his people. And through this God will chisel away at us, molding and shaping us into who he wants us to be. But do not be discouraged to come before the Lord as you are, because though God see us for who we can be, he loves us as we are.

...well, I guess I did get to blog about God breaking my heart after all :)

Share the love and be at peace!

Godly Men

"Courtesy is as much a mark of a gentleman as courage." Theodore Roosevelt

I cannot even begin to tell what a blessing godly men are in this world. There is nothing I want more in a man than for him to truly be a man of God. I find it really saddening and heartbreaking to see how rare this quality has become in men today. Too many times in the past couple of weeks have I found myself in situations where I unfortunately crossed paths with men whom not only lack chivalry to the max, but whom behave like dastardly cads. And what makes this whole ordeal even worse is that there is nothing I can do but try to tolerate it. Quite frankly, I think this is a load of bull; I should not have to learn to tolerate men's unruly behavior. Men should be gentlemen, period.

Men, I encourage you, challenge you, ask you, and beg you to please be men of God, gentlemen who care for women and treat them with chivalry and courtesy.

Be at peace-

To grow to learn to love to live: Trusting without blessing (by jessi)

I'm not sure if I really trust God. Is it ok to say that out loud? I mean I say that I do, and I feel like I do...but I dunno. I read this little excerpt on utmost.org this morning (devotional thing taken from Oswald Chamber's book "My Utmost for His Highest") and I think it's messed up my entire perspective on life.

How are we going to get a life that has no lust, no self-interest, and is not sensitive to the ridicule of others? How will we have the type of love that “is kind . . . is not provoked, [and] thinks no evil”? (1 Corinthians 13:4-5). The only way is by allowing nothing of the old life to remain, and by having only simple, perfect trust in God— such a trust that we no longer want God’s blessings, but only want God Himself.

I cannot imagine not wanting God's blessing, to be honest. I think that is part of what makes Him God to me, and that's a little scary. Because my whole point here in this little life of mine is to live a good life and to love people, but I need God to do that. Because He is the source of goodness and love. I at least know that much. But to only want Him? To want Him alone and none of the perks that come along with knowing Him? That's hard to swallow.
To have simple, perfect trust in God - such a trust that we no longer want God's blessing, but only want God Himself.

That is the mark of a totally surrendered, loving, unselfish person. It is. When we can do that, we can love. We can love because we don't want anything in return. We can be goodness.

It's so funny that I am currently reading Job right now too. I mean this guy was totally devout. Totally trusted God. And then his home, his servants, his children and his health were taken from him. He no longer had any of the blessings of God. But God was still God. He is still the Creator of the universe. He is still the source of all things good and He, above all else, is holy and all deserving of praise. Even if we don't have breath in us to praise.

I'm really not sure if I could be like Job. Although, I hope I could be.

I'll walk this way: Journey with poverty (3)

If I could beg you to take nothing else away from this weird blog on poverty, at least take these words from Dorothy Day,

“At least we can avoid being comfortable through the exploitation of others. And at least we can avoid physical wealth as the result of a war economy. There may be ever-improving standards of living in the United States, with every worker eventually owning his own home and driving his own car; but our whole modern economy is based on preparation for war, and this surely is one of the great arguments for poverty in our time.”

I hope we all can start simply make decisions based on whether or not the products we are choosing to buy or consume is exploiting one of our brothers or sisters. Living in our individualistic culture does not help us think of how our actions affect each other. But oh, how they do. Truly, awareness is a gift and a miracle.

If you are so inspired to embrace and love your poverty but are perhaps afraid of the implications of that, maybe these words from Ms. Day will comfort you as well,

“In a world enslavement through installment buying and mortgages, the only way to live in any true security is to live so close to the bottom that when you fall you do not have far to drop, you do not have much to lose.”

Precarity is essential to poverty. But don’t be afraid, though the son of man had nowhere to rest his head, every hair on it was known to the Father. I pray you get to know Lady Poverty more intimately and love her dearly. I pray you see the face of Jesus when you see poverty being experienced by another and also when someone is helping you in your own poverty. And I leave you to meditate on this truth,
Whatever we have beyond our need belongs to the poor.

“At least we can avoid being comfortable through the exploitation of others. And at least we can avoid physical wealth as the result of a war economy. There may be ever-improving standards of living in the United States, with every worker eventually owning his own home and driving his own car; but our whole modern economy is based on preparation for war, and this surely is one of the great arguments for poverty in our time.”

I'll walk this way: Journey with poverty (2)

Sometimes I hate poverty. I wonder why in the hell I would have ever believed such a thing would be good or holy or rewarding or whatever it’s supposed to be. Because it’s not. It’s sucks, it’s awful and stupid and I hate it. Which, if you talk to someone who is really poor, they will most likely tell you the same. Dorothy Day makes a great distinction between inflicted poverty or destitution, and voluntary poverty. That no one should be inflicted with poverty but we all should choose it. Peter Maurin, founder of the Catholic Worker Movement, has a quirky little way of putting it in his Easy Essay called “Case for Utopia”:

The world would be better off
if people tried to become better,
and people would become better
if they stopped trying to become better off.
For when everyone tries to become
Better off
Nobody is better off.
But when everyone tries to become better
Everybody is better off.
Everyone would be rich
If nobody tried to become richer,
And nobody would be poor
If everybody tried to be the poorest.
And everybody would be what he ought to be
If everybody tried to be
What he wants the other fellow to be.

This little poem is simple and true and idealistic. And really something I want to model my life after. But sometimes, even though I know it’s true and makes sense, I don’t like it. Because “trying to be the poorest” sometimes just looks like making all the things I take for granted in my life super complicated. Like, maybe i shouldn’t buy clothes from stores that aren’t second hand, maybe i shouldn’t buy clothes at all for awhile, maybe i should set a tight budget, maybe i should spend more money on others instead of myself, maybe I should find cheap housing even if it’s in a rough neighborhood, maybe I should make the effort to recycle, maybe i should work less so that i can have more time to help others, maybe i should grow my own food or dumpster dive to save money, maybe I can’t afford health care, maybe I should bike more even when I don’t feel like it to save gas, maybe I should use the library more, maybe I’ll never have an iPhone, maybe I don’t even need this computer, maybe I should never have a TV again, maybe I should apply for food stamps, maybe I should take shorter showers, maybe I shouldn’t buy packaged products, maybe i don’t need most of things i think I do and it goes on and on and on. And I will drive myself absolutely nuts contemplating every little thing I do.
But that’s not all folks! Just wait, then there’s the guilt trip! I get mad, sad, and frustrated because I can’t do things I would like to do because they don’t match up with my gosh darn ideology and then I take it out on other people by being all holier-than-thou to make myself feel better for choosing a life of suffering. Which, when I remember Jesus said that a life of suffering is what we Christians should look forward to, it sounds so nice and simple I would almost expect to find it on a Hallmark card. But no, the ins and outs of carrying my cross are not so pretty and poetic. Then I’m all, “what’s so bad about being a hypocrite again?”

Dorothy Day writes my thoughts perfectly; “Daily, hourly, to give up our own possessions and especially to subordinate our own impulses and wishes to others-these are hard, hard things; and I don’t think they ever get any easier. You can strip yourself, you can be stripped, but still you will reach out like an octopus to seek your own comfort, your untroubled time, your ease, your refreshment.”

But Spirit ever-so-gently reminds my octopus-self and short-term memory that this is a beautiful way life and totally worth it. I rest easy and read and re-read this meditation by Juniper, friend of Francis and Fool of God:

“If I am truly poor, then I am dependent on others for everything, and I feel useless and worthless, and I realize deep within that everything is a gift from the Father. Then in this attitude of complete dependence, I become useful again, for then I am empty of selfishness and I am free to be God’s instrument instead of my own. In poverty I begin to value everything rightly again. I see how little really matters, and I see that only that which glorifies God is of value.
I write these words in pain, Lady Poverty, for I have wept bitter tears because I was poor and had to beg from others, and I felt like a burden to people and to God…And I have grown weary of Christ’s words not to worry about the tomorrow. But In His grace I have surrendered to God’s sovereignty and providence, and it has made me free…
Lady Poverty, I love you. You, my Lady, take all the sting from being poor. In your embrace I am rich indeed, for I have someone to love. I have you. Perhaps, my Lady, that is why I keep submitting, surrendering my desire to control my life, my need to provide for the future. You have stolen my heart and made me happy, and your love makes up for all the pain that loving you involves…and we know it is all worthwhile because when we look into your eyes, we see Christ Himself.”

And I love my poverty again.

When I Fall In Love / Unforgettable

After attending a fundraiser for a high school speech team earlier this evening, I decided to hang out at the mall and do some window shopping. It was nice. I had the opportunity for some "me time." It was also wonderful because I did plenty of looking and I even tried on a pair of jeans, yet I did not spend any money. It felt so good to go into a store and not spend money when it is not necessary. Whew! What a nice feeling.

I also ran into one of my room mates from sophomore year of college. I was almost in tears, once I returned to my car, after seeing her with her new husband b/c it was such a joy to see her so happy and glowing with God's lights and goodness. I can only pray to shine with God's light half as much as my dear friend was when I saw her tonight.

But what I really want to talk about is once I started my car and began on my way home two songs played on the Cd player in my car: When I Fall In Love and Unforgettable by Nat King Cole. They both got me to thinking. But first you should know I have this habit, when I listen to songs I tend to interpret them in a spiritual way. For example: The song According To You by Orianthi, when in the lyrics say "according to him I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head, according to him I'm funny, irresistible, everything he ever wanted," I think of the him being referred to is God. God thinks I am beautiful, incredible, etc.

Anyway- as I was listening to these songs my heart was kind of saddened, while at the same time filled with a kind of joy. When I listened to When I Fall In Love, I couldn't help but think of falling in love with God in such a way as to commit and submit to him completely and forever. Fact is, I am human and time after time I fall short [of God's glory]. Yet, God loves me so much that he continuously give me grace. I was just so saddened that as much I desire God and to follow in Christ's way of life that I give into temptation and listen to Satan's lies. Yet, still, God loves me and blesses me. Listening to this song tonight, my eyes gleamed with tears wondering to myself and asking God, "Why can't I fall in love with you, God? Can I fall in love with you, God? Like, really fall in love with you...and forever?"

Then, Unforgettable came on the stereo filling me with a joy. You see, I imagined the "someone" Nat King Cole was referring to who thinks he is so incredible and unforgettable is God. How wonderful is it to think that God never forgets us; we're always on his mind. To God, we are unforgettable and priceless masterpieces of his own hands. And it's incredible to think that He thinks we're unforgettable.
In addition to God thinking we're unforgettable, I think he's pretty unforgettable too. I mean, how could it even be possible to forget God? He's everywhere! Seriously, everything that exists is because of all he created. It's amazing. And I find it pretty difficult to forget him. Especially when I see his gorgeous starry sky, a tree, beautiful sunrises & sunsets, cool animal creatures (butterflies, frogs/toads, etc.), and breath taking sites of nature.
God is totally unforgettable in my book! :)

Yoga

Should a Christian do the Downward Dog?


This is not a trick question, but rather an issue raised by Baptist leader Albert Mohler that, like an egg beater, has whipped up the yoga community's usual calm into a peaked, frothy fluster. Then again, aren't we all a bit confused about this body-bending, mind-enhancing practice from the East?

In the name of clarity, here is an attempt to answer what yoga is—and what it isn't.

The word yoga... Yoga traditions go back thousands of years, and today have spawned more than 100 schools, according to the American Yoga Association. This is partly why any discussion about the practice is so complicated. "In Sanskrit, 'yoga' can mean anything from an astronomical conjunction to yoking an animal to going to war; it's what you put in front of the word—hatha, raja, tantric—that defines it," explains David White, PhD, professor of religious studies at the University of California, Santa Barbara, and editor of the forthcoming book,Yoga in Practice. "Not to say there is a pure hatha, raga, or tantric tradition—they were all mixed over the years in different ways by people in India, as well as the West, to attract followers." In other words, what's taught today in gyms, studios, and retreats around the country is inevitably a smoothie of traditions, usually featuring one ingredient—the physical poses—that was originally a very small part of the recipe.

Is yoga a religion? Categorically no, if you ask most teachers and devotees. "Simply put, yoga is not a religion," says Aadil Palkhivala, who grew up in Bombay and studied with B.K.S. Iyengar before founding Purna Yoga. "It's a process that helps you become physically stronger, more mentally alert, and more emotionally stable, so you can be a better Christian, Jew, Muslim, or whatever you care to be."

Digging far back into the roots of yoga, however, scholars and historians hedge, noting that the ancient texts are quite difficult to understand. "My answer is that it can be" a religion, says Stefanie Syman, author of The Subtle Body: The story of yoga in America, the new book that prompted Mohler's call for Christians to abstain. "As a spiritual technology, yoga has been attached to Hinduism, Jainism, and Buddhism, so it hasn't been affiliated with a single religion—that's true. But it developed to liberate the soul in this life, and how that was described and what theology was associated with it varies somewhat dramatically within the yoga traditions." White, who has read the original texts in Sanskrit, and is the author of Sinister Yogis, agrees with Syman. "Certain yoga schools do speak of 'god,' though not in the way that we do. The Sanskrit word used simply means master and not necessarily Master of the Universe; it could apply to a human. But there was never a church or gospel of yoga. It's a very tricky question."

So is it un-Christian to do yoga? There is no one answer, but some Christian yoga practitioners definitely make the opposite case. "Our practice combines Biblically-based meditation with yoga," says Lisa Abbott, a spokesperson for Yawheh Yoga. "Each class opens with a prayer and introduces a selected portion of scripture that students focus on throughout." Developed five years ago, Yawheh Yoga has certified nearly 100 teachers, including Abbott, who points out that the Bible (Joshua 1.8), instructs believers to meditate on His word. "We feel," she says, "that we're fulfilling a Biblical mandate to help Christians grow in their faith by meditating on His scripture."

Yoga is about who can do the nuttiest pretzel pose. Not quite. "Traditionally the poses are actually a very small part of what you're expected to do as a spiritual aspirant following the path of yoga," says Syman. The breathing and meditative aspects are much more important.

Is the body a vehicle for reaching consciousness with the divine? Mohler objected to this aspect of yoga, but is it true? Possibly, if you go way back into the traditions. What's more accurate, however, is yoga's use of the physical poses to help prepare the mind for meditation, scholars say. As Palkhivala puts it, the physical practice, rather than trying to macrame your limbs, is intended to free the body of knots, "When you have aches and pains, it's hard to focus the mind. And if you don't take care of your body where are you going to live?"

Does yoga assume we can find divinity within ourselves? Many practitioners do believe in the idea that you can radically transform your consciousness and experience the divine, says Syman. It's as if your own boundaries dissolve and you become connected with a larger spirituality. "That's quite different from the Christian idea of a separate god or one you're waiting to meet."

What about chanting weird Sanskrit phrases you don't understand? You could say the same for listening to Gregorian chants or repeating Hebrew prayers when you don't speak the language. Mantra yoga, says Syman, is one of the techniques developed to aid in concentration. "We use the word 'namaste' which means 'I bow to you,'" says Palkhivala, "which is an act of humility. We also use the Gayatri mantra, which simply invokes light, as in, illuminate my consciousness."

Is the American version truly yoga?
Face it, few of us have the time or savings to sit for hours and practice yoga as it was meant to be done. And if some purists compare the modern distillation as the Cheez Whiz of a glorious tradition, plenty of studies show that it improves health, from boosting mood to aiding weight loss to helping breast cancer patients recover.

"Much to the dismay of many," says David Romanelli, "I started Yoga and Chocolate, Yoga and Wine, and Yoga for Foodies. But I always make the case that the world is a better place with more people doing any kind of yoga. And I'd actually like to invite Albert Mohler just to try a yoga class. I bet he'd love it."

What do you think? Should Christians practice yoga?


.....I personally believe it's totally okay for Christians to practice yoga. I am Christian and I practice yoga; in fact, I attend a Christian university where yoga classes are offered. I think it's a great way to spend time with God. It is written in the Psalms to "be still and know that I am God," and yoga allows me to do so. It's also a nice way to relax, destress, and calm oneself (mind & soul), while also stretching the body (our bodies are a temple of the Holy Spirit which also need care).

Still and quiet your soul; put your hope in the Lord, now and forevermore. Psalm 131

The Lord was not in the wind, the earthquake, or the fire, but in a gentle whisper. 1 Kings 19:11-13

Ah-ha!

I recently had an "ah-ha" moment this last week: It's not that God isn't speaking to us, it's that we do not take the time or make the effort to lsiten & hear him. He is always speaking and listening to us (he's a great multi-tasker). So, I encourage you to take time to lsiten to what God might be trying to tell you this week.

"Be still and know that I am God."

God's voice is the small whisper in the wind that's louder than the loudest thunder of any storm.

Do not worry about anything and pray about everything.

Lessons Taught - Lessons Learned

The following post is from my friend Megan. I thought it was worth sharing. Enjoy!

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.” -Brian Tracy-

As I was looking ahead at this week, I realized that I had a project due for my education class. I was assigned to make a video of myself attempting to teach a child how to do something new. At first, I looked at this project as just another thing to do; I was just looking forward to getting it done. However, I could have never imagined the impact this project would have on me. For this project, I taught a sweet little friend of mine how to write her last name in cursive. Through the whole process she was determined to get every letter perfect, and after much hard work, she did. The look in her eyes when she accomplished her goal melted my heart.

Though I may have taught Ella, she also taught me two very important things. So many times we go through our lives not knowing what we are supposed to do. How nice would it be if God would just send us a little note telling us what to do? Sometimes I wonder, am I in the right major; does God really want me to be a teacher? After talking to some friends this seems to be a common concern, especially among college students. We are spending at least 4 years and great deal of money and yet, we are not completely sure that this is what God wants us to do. I am beginning to learn that God uses things in your life to show you what His will for you is. He used sweet Ella to show me my love for teaching. That said, through this assignment I was given peace and excitement about becoming a teacher.

Secondly, Ella reiterated that fact that you can never give up. In life, we all write our letters backwards, metaphorically speaking of course. However, you cannot let that stop you from trying. Ella showed me that no matter how hard or frustrating life can be, you just have to work through it. I do not think Ella even knew what the outcome of all her hard work would be, but she did it anyway.

Sometimes I wonder if all of my hard work will pay off. The class I am doing this project for is probably the hardest class of my semester. Though the class is interesting, it is an incredible amount of work. Moreover, it has been a challenge doing the work without complaining. Just ask my roommate! As Ella had to do, I have to put in a lot of time and effort, as well as work through the challenges to get through this class. God used this project to drastically change my outlook of this class. He showed me that hard work does pay off and that I need to be grateful for the opportunity I have to study at a wonderful institution, like Malone.

I went into this project attempting to teach; yet, I was the one who was taught. For this, I am extremely grateful. I continue to revere how God is working through every aspect of my life here at Malone, even through my projects and classes. I am so thankful for the wonderful professors, who push me to do my best and work hard in order to accomplish something. After all, nothing in life comes easy and God used a 6-year-old to teach me that.

In Him, Meg

The Sonata by Daniel L. McWilliams

The following is a beautifully delightful poem written by my most s'wonderful boyfriend, Daniel. It is truly a fabulous poem (I say without any bias what so ever, it really it spectacular)! Enjoy!!  =)


Colorful waves of sound are painted on the tapestry of silence
They penetrate the heart with indescribable warmth
Magically speaking truth in a language unknown


The pianist has lost himself within
To his knowledge he no longer exists
Save for the sensation of his emotions touching the keys


To the audience he is more existent than ever
He no longer merely occupies the bench
He fills the entire room


The mysterious power of crescendo
Now shouting the message that before was only whispered
There is no choice but to feel
No choice but to see the glories of God


Emotion bursts forth in a beautiful melody
Joy, peace, sorrow, thrill, playfulness, intensity
Flowing together through in a flawless line


The composer is brought to life again
He is fully visible now on stage
Posthumously leading us in a celebration of life


Like a madman the pianist commences the finale
His face turns a deep red in his frenzy
His heart leaps for joy


No one dare speak, clap or breathe
The colors fade from the tapestry
The worship service has concluded

Biggest Loser

I have determined that the show Biggest Loser is an oxymoron.
Not only due to the pun of the show's title and concept, but also in that while the show encourages and promotes living a healthy and active lifestyle, it is encouraged that one sit on his/her ass to watch the show. I understand that this might not always be the case; that there might actually be people who walk on a treadmill, do some crunches, or stretch while watching the show. However I doubt this is the case for most people who watch Biggest Loser. Majority of viewers are most likely sitting or laying on a sofa somewhere while probably eating food of some sort as well, when watching an episode of obese weight loss.

I have also come to another conclusion. I am a fit, athletic person and when compared to the contestants this can clearly be seen. Although, as I watch the show my esteem of my health, fitness, and physical appearance tends to decline while the contestants are exercising, learning health lessons, and transforming themselves from fat lards to fit folks, and I'm sitting on my ass in front of a television screen. I get the feeling that, though I am healthy and fit, I am not fit enough. Ya know. Yesterday evening, when I began to feel this way while watching the show, I turned off the show and went for a run around my neighbor hood.

So- do I continue watching the show because it pushes me to exercise in fear of becoming fat if I don't OR do I discontinue watching the show because it lowers my feeling of worth and beuty that lays within me??

1 Peter 3:3-4
Peter tells the women in his letter their beauty should not come from jewelry or outer adornments. Rather, their beauty should be born out of their inner selves, their gentle and quiet spirits.

feel with heart

Sometimes, I wish I could just stop thinking. Stop analyzing every little thing. Every possibility, every sound, every feeling and emotion...
I sometimes wonder what it might be like to just simply exist;
To not have a worry in the world. Yet, I cannot help but to believe without worry there'd be no care; just as without suffering there'd be no compassion.
So how might one think without analyzing, and make a decision.
Perhaps, we are not to think with our minds, but to feel with our hearts...

So I May

Speak...
in a loud thunder
or a quite whisper
...speak, so I may hear you

Touch...
with a droplet of rain
or a breeze in the wind
...touch, so I may feel you

Love...
with everything you do
always
...love, so I may know you

Return of the Dead...Car

Oh Yes!!! I want to shout it from the mountain tops: I have a working car once again :) WoooHoooo!

Hopefully, I'm not jinxing myself by talking about my car. But I am just so happy to be mobile and less restricted in where I go and when I go.

No doubt, my car definitely needs a wash, some oil (maybe even an oil change), and possibly a new front right (passenger side) tire. Hopefully, I will be able to get 2/3 of this done tomorrow, in addition to some other activities on my to do list.

Crossing finger- that this car will now last me at least another year or two, and that nothing else major will go wrong with it. I'm trying not to be superstitious about this or pretty much anything else in my life, because I believe in God and God is so much more than superstitions. I'm really praying that God takes care of me- providing and protecting me (Which I am pretty confident he will. I mean he always has and is- so I'm certain leaning on God is a really safe bet.)

Anyway, I just wanted to share the good news with you :)

Have a superday!

Phew, THAT was a close one!

I was camping with some friends this last weekend when one of them mentions going skinny dipping in the pool next to our campsite. I'm like, "heck yes!" Skinny dipping was definitely something written on my bucket list, but never did I actually think the opportunity would ever arise to check it off the list. It was only moments later when another one of my friends returns from checking out the pool to report there is a surveillance camera overlooking the pool.

Not gonna lie, I was a little bummed, but really relieved that one of my friends noticed it before it was too late and that she was smart enough to check for such things.

Note: Always check for surveillance cameras and what not when attempting risky business.

Give & Take

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away.

Believe it or not, I am finally having my car fixed. Woohooo!

A lot has been learned from this experience. I was pondering that last days of my car before it broke down. I remember I had to go back and forth from my apartment to campus, because I kept forgetting stuff. I was really annoyed. After about the fifth time of getting in my car, I was crying. I know, I know! You're thinking wow, drama queen! Overreact much?! Truth is, you're correct. Not only am I a drama queen, I was totally overreacting.

[In my defense; however, this was during finals week (a week in the semester when a college students stress levels are at their peak & hits an all time high). I cannot remember exactly but I am pretty sure I was PMS-ing or menstruating at that time as well (go figure!); so I was definitely cramping while my hormones were jumping all over the place, making me really moody. And most of all, I had not slept at all the past 48-72 hours. Literally, NO SLEEP! I was sooo extremely tired and I wanted nothing more than to sleep in my heavenly bed with no disruptions or disturbances of any kind for the weekend. And yet, I could not because there where very important documents I had to have submitted no later than mid to late afternoon. I spent much of the morning and early afternoon going over my documents, finalizing them and what not. After going to campus multiple times to turn in the various documents, I came home to see an important attachment that belonged with one or the other of the documents that I just submitted, which I probably forgot because I was SO EXTREMELY stressed, sleep deprived, and out of kilter. And on a side note, I don't like driving very much. So that fact that I had to keep getting into my car and drive back and forth to campus on account of my own stupidity or forgetfulness when all I wanted to do was sleep, put the frosting on the cake.
So, Yes I was way overreacting but with good reason.
ALSO- I couldn't sleep after submitting my school work because I then had to drive an hour to pick my little brother up from his dorm room to visit home for the weekend. LUCKILY, he was able to drive home. So, I slept in the car on the way home, and then some more once I arrived home.]

Anyway- let's not get too off track from the moral of the story.
I was crying and screaming in my car about how much I don't like driving, how tired I was, how all I wanted to do was sleep, why does this crap happen to me, BLAH BLAH BLAH!
(*Big mistake on my part*)

You know what?... God was listening to me and said, "Okay I'll take care of this." And he did, by allowing my car to break down on winter holiday. While I was waiting for triple A, God was saying, "There. Problem solved, that takes care of that! You don't like driving so much, so now you don't have to."

The bible says, "ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Matt 7:7.
I asked for a car, and God gave me a car.
I bitched about my car and driving my car, and God took it away from me. (Not literally, since I still have my car but he took away the ability for it to be driven.)
So, after suffering the consequences by having to take the city bus, mooch rides from family and friends, and miss out on some fun activities & events because I had limited transportation, I have learned some valuable lessons!
And now God is answering my prayers and providing me with the ability to have my car fixed and working once again. And I am sooo excited.

Let me tell you- I will never be ungrateful for my blessings, no matter how big or how small, ever again! Even my troubles. Because I think our troubles are blessings in disguise. Yea?

I will praise God when I rise in the morning, all day long; in all I do.

Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

2010 Resolution Review

As mentioned in a previous blog, I had the fantastic opportunity to parasail, also enabling me to cross something off my bucket list :)
Now, as I sit here at my office desk without much to do but try to pass time, I was thinking about my 2010 "resolution" list (inspired by my fabulous cousin Stephanie) and decided I'd do a little recap.

Let's see....(looking at my list)

1. Complete peace corp application.
Still not completed. I've been procrastinating terribly on my essays. It just seems like every time I sit down to work on them I read the question(s) and my mind just goes "Dhuuurrr..." I definitely need to make more of an effort to truly reflect on these questions and let God be the author.

2. Get a summer job.
FAIL! I have yet to find a legit job for what remains of summer and this upcoming school year :(

3. Me and God time (@least 10mins. everyday).
No matter how much time I spend with God I always feel I could spend more time with him.

4. Stretch everyday.
Another fail. I thought I would do much better at this one. I was doing well when I first added this to the list but truth be told I since my sister's wedding just about the only time I stretch is at cheerleading.

5. Thoroughly clean room, rid of unnecessary junk.
(Check!) Task completed! Although, I have a feeling this might have to happen once again once I finish senior year.

6. Complete summer reading list.
Not only did I complete my list, but I well surpassed it. I'm currently reading Blind Dates. Although, I think this will be the last one of the summer.

7. Say "No."
(Check!) I've been doing well with saying "no" and being sure not to overwhelm myself by doing too much.

8. Learn to manage finances (spend less, save more).
Well for awhile I thought I was beginning to do quite well with this one. Until recently. I went on vacation and spent quite a bit more than I should have on souvenirs and what not. I definitely learned a valuable finance lesson from this: memories and pictures are plenty souvenir enough for me!

9. Fix car, or sell and buy a new one.
With much excitement I am delighted to say "I'm getting my car fixed!!" I'm having it towed Monday to get a transmission and a new battery :)

10. Practice photography.
Oh yes. I have loads of pictures from vaca that I've been editing and what not. I'm definitely looking forward to posting them to my flickr page.

11. Write a bucket list.
(Check!) Done. Now the task it to complete the bucket list before I kick the bucket.

12. Listen more, talk less.
I've been doing much better at this, although, like #3, I feel there is still room for improvement.

Now that I have bored you with my 2010 resolution recap. If you're still reading- Thank you!

I'm getting tired and bored. So I'm going to see if there is anything else in the office to entertain me until clock out time. Until next time!

Ruth: Necessity or Luxury?

Are you content?

"And these are they which are sown among thorns; such as hear the word, and the cares of this world, and the deceitfulness of riches, and the lusts of other things entering in, choke the word, and it becometh unfruitful." -Mark 4:18-19

"The crowd that followed Jesus to the lakeside was so large that He had to get into the boat on the lake, and as the gospel writer records, "There he sat, with the whole crowd on the beach right down to the water's edge!" Many in that crowd earned their livelihood by sowing and reaping, the so they could envision the parable.
What were the worldly cares and false glamour of wealth in that day, we wonder. Surely according to our standards, we would have considered them minimal. No indoor plumbing, no car (very few had even a donkey), no TV, no boat, and no snowmobile.
We need to take inventory of our possessions. Which are necessities? which luxuries? Next time we go shopping, we would do well to pause and hear the Lord say, "Do we really need that?"
Take inventory!

My home is filled with things I don't really need, Lord, and yet I go out and buy more. I haven't even cupboard space enough. Help me not to get caught up in that rash of compulsive buying. Weed out the thistles that would choke out the Word!
Amen.

Cora Harris MacIlravy

How often have we heard him knocking at the doors of our hearts; not only when we were sinners, but even after we had tasted  and knew that the Lord was good and had proved his infinite love.

How dull we are when it come to a realization of the love of Christ. We are like little children who watch the beautiful colors and dazzling light in a priceless diamond, but know not its value.
We have no conception of what it cost our Lor to purchase redemption for mankind; we know not His suffering. We shall never know the anguish that broke His heart as He hung on the cross, deserted by all who had claimed to love Him.

Oh, that we might love Him more! It seems that He demands so little from us in comparison with what He has given us. Even a little turning of our love toward Him, and His heart responds to us, and the warmth of his love sweeps over us like flamming billows. Even a little turning of our faces toward Him with determination to go on into all He has bought for us, and He hastens to meet us.

"Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck." -Song of Solomon 4:9

EVERYTHING IS SPIRITUAL

*Everything Is Spiritual*

Above is a link to a super great video. The video is about an hour and a half. I do encourage you to make some time in your day to watch/listen to it. It is so good!

You are an itentional creation of God, joyfully made from the Lord's love.
Choose to see wonder, beauty and awe.
There is a bigger story being told and we get to be a part of it.

xoxo

I would like to say I haven't been blogging very much because I've been so busy, which I have been very busy, but I've also been quite lazy.
Anyway, I've been itching to write about the amazing experiences I've had this summer.

I went to South Carolina to visit some of my fabulous family. While in S.C., I went hiking with my Dad and Uncle Tom. As far back as I can remember, I've pretty much gone hiking with my uncle just about every time I've visited S.C. This hike like almost every other hike was amazing! I saw some gorgeous waterfalls, a beautiful bridge, delightful butterflies, some bear tracks, and so much more of Gods glorious beauty.

Following S.C., I went to Virginia Beach, another display of the Lords beautiful creation. While in Va. Beach, I had the opportunity to parasail. It was absolutely amazing! I went with my little brother, Toby. We saw some sharks, a sea turtle, and a gorgeous horizon. Also, while in Va. Beach I saw some dolphins while I was admiring the ocean view from my hotel balcony. It was definitely really cool.

After Va. Beach, I went to a place I've never been, Washington D.C.. It was quite different from what I was expecting. Although it was great! I enjoyed it a lot. We stayed in Georgetown during our visit and it is such a cute little place. I enjoyed it a lot. We went dinning at some wonderful restaurants and my Dad and I went to a spa for a reflexology- which was delightful!

Also I'm on the University Cheerleading squad again. So I've also been busy with cheerleading- which has been totally awesome!! I adore our squad, it's a really great group of girls and we have a lot of fun.

Now, as summer holiday will becoming to an end at the closing of this month, I've been preparing for resumption of classes and school activities. I'm looking forward to this school year.
***I'M FINALLY GETTING MY CAR FIXED*** which will definitely help in making this school year and transportation for this school year run a little (actually, A LOT) smoother. I'm also going camping a couple times this summer/fall this year, going on some super fun short road trips, planning a trip for spring break and so much more!

That's all for now, I'll be sure to write more later.
xoxo

Hello my dear blogging buddies =)

I have been away on vacation for the past week, this being the reasoning for my lack of blogging.
Now that I have returned from my travels, I have much catching up to do in so many areas of my life. However, have no fear! I have many wonderful and fabulous tales to tell of all the happenings in me life and of the many great and amazing things God is doing.
So, please stay tuned- there are some awesome blogs coming to a computer near you!

xoxo- Peace, Joy, and some Sunshine Love <3

LOVE .... 1 Corinthians 13

What is love?

I say "love" many times a day (possibly too much) and it seems we (Americans) have attached multiple meanings to the word love. I've said "I love you" to so many people in my life. I've tagged the word love onto so many things like to say I love a book, and outfit, an idea, a place, ...etc. the list goes on and on.

I've spoken of love so much, so many times in my life- yet I'm not sure I really know what love is. As I look back on my life thus far, I kind of, sort of, think I wish I would have used the word love more carefully and maybe even a little less.

Is it fair to tell someone I love them when I'm not sure I even know what love is? Or is it better to have loved too much than not at all?

I don't have any answers right now and I can't say I will.
But for now, I'm trying to say "like" more and be more careful about what and when I say "love".

1 Corinthians 13

"1If I speak in the tongues[a] of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,[b] but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

Romantic??

I wanted to share this interesting statistic I read today:
Nearly 40% of women report that their boyfriends or husbands are "not very often" or "never" romantic, yet 75% of men claim that they are romantic consistently.

Thinking isn't doing. Though one might THINK he is romantic, it doesn't necessarily mean he IS romantic.

Gentlemen, here are a few hints to clue you in on some romance:
1. Chivalry is not a thing of the past- step it up with the manners and treat us like ladies and not sex objects.
2. You're never done wooing, whether you're in a new dating relationship or you've been married 20 years.
3. Be creative- put some time and thought into it, we'll absolutely adore you for it no matter how uncreative you think you might be.
4. It's the little things/small gestures that are special to us.

if you could live anywhere in the world, money not an obstacle, where would you be?

I would like to live somewhere tropical like Hawaii or Bahamas or in Europe like Romania, or Italy.

What's on your mind?

Catch Up

Wow, wow, wow! What a week this has been. As of Saturday, my big sister, Ashley, is married and I have a brother-in-law. So much has happened this past week and I feel there is so much blogging to catch up on. I'm caught up reading all of the blogs I follow, now as for my own blog...
Here's the update and the main highlights of this past week:

As for my 2010 To Do List:
I have significantly surpassed my summer reading goal as I had only intended or planned on reading 7 books, and I have already read at least 10. So now, I want to see if I can read the last 6 on my summer reading list.

Today my boyfriend is going to visit me and keep me company (and maybe even help me) while I "thoroughly clean" my room and get rid of a bunch of unnecessary junk and clothes I don't wear.

I finally received my new D-SLR camera, so I can practice my photography skills. I've read the manual and I've got most of it figured out, so let the photography begin!

I wrote a bucket list, though I am sure as the months and years come to pass and I change and grow, my list will also change and grow (with some things getting crossed off once they have been completed and some more things being added). Here are a few things from my bucket list: Swim with dolphins (& sharks), Ride a motorcycle, Learn to surf, Skydive, and See an Opera.

Stretching everyday is still a working progress in which I feel there is much room for improvement.

I was doing quite well making time to spend with God until this past weekend. I still spent time with him, but not as much as I would have liked. I am currently reading the book of Jeremiah in my daily time with God.

Now, As for the Highlights of this past week:

Monday: I had a cute date with my boyfriend, Daniel.

Wednesday: My sister and her fiance, Bobby (now, husband) arrived at my apartment. The three of us went to the movie theatre to see Toy Story 3. Later, I went to the Dusty for my first time ever- I definitely enjoyed it!

Thursday: Went to Quaker Steak & Lube for dinner then came back to the apartment for beer pong (except we played with water-haha!)

Friday: Wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, and then went to Munsons for drinks with some family (which, as always, was loads of fun)!

Saturday (The Big Day): The bridal party arrived at my apartment to get ready. Wedding at 4:30, Reception at 6:30; after party at Munsons (however, I was so tired, I didn't attend the after party. Instead, I went home and went to bed).

Sunday: I was so very tired from Saturday's festivities I could barely stay awake during church service. After church, I went to Daniel's parents' house for lunch with him and his family. Dan and I cuddled while he watched the World Cup and I read the manual to my new camera and took a nap. It was wonderful.

Now you are all caught up on my life.
As for you, I pray where ever you are, whatever is happening in your life that you are well and you find rest and relaxation.

Troubles

"My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught at the voice of my enemy, at the stares of the wicked; for they bring down suffering upon me and revile me in their anger." Psalm 55:2-3

Have you ever had one of those people in your life whom your almost certain they're an evil spawn of Satan put here on earth just to spite you? I do and they say she's my twin sister (Dear Lord, please forgive me), although I would like to argue the possibility of being switched at birth- for realz!
My sister was being her Oscar-the-grouch-self and as usual she said some mean and hurtful words to me today. I often have these moody encounters with her, and her cruelness irks me to no end. Today, I was not just going to sit there and let her disrespect me. I am learning and trying really hard to better handle persecution and do the whole "if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all" kind of thing (Matthew 5:11-12, easier said than done). This is a very difficult task, especially if you know my sister.
I struggled to bite my tongue to keep from swearing like a sailor to her. I knew nothing would come of swearing. As calmly as I could, I told her what I had to say (without swearing). After saying what I had to say, I fought back my tears as I focused on trying to keep my mouth shut while she continued talking disrespectfully to me.
My sister finally left the apartment to go to work- No sooner did the apartment door shut and I was crying. I did everything I could to not cry in front of my sister because that is exactly what she wanted, and I certainly was not going to give her the satisfaction. The only thing I knew to do in this moment, besides crying, was to turn to God. I prayed for healing of the heart, both mine and my sisters. My heart needed healing because my sister had shattered it with hurtful words; I knew my sister needed healing because something was obviously breaking her heart for her to be so malicious.
Soon, I was able to brush the whole situation off my shoulders and get on with the day; I also began to feel better. And now I can surely say, I'm over the whole sad situation-I'm over it-and I'm moving on.
I was quite proud of myself: I didn't swear, I didn't say anything when I didn't have anything nice to say, and I turned to God in the midst of my trouble(s). I learned a few things from the whole ordeal and my sensitive heart has grown a bit stronger too.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:17-18

You are the Lord's greatest love. He cares for you. God wants to walk with you and be with you. He wants you to turn to him and lean on him in the midst of your troubles, he is there.

To Do...

I've thought about my resolutions and here is what I've come up with (in no particular order):

1. Complete and submit peace corps application

2. Try harder to land a summer job

3. Me and God time
     * at least 10 minutes, everyday

4. Stretch everyday

5. Thoroughly clean room
     *Rid of unnecessary junk and what not

6. Complete summer reading list
     Pocket History of the Church
     Invitation to Theology
     The Drama of Scripture
     Your Money Counts
     Soul Surfer
     This I Believe
     Deadline
     1,003 Great Things About Being a Woman
     Kiss the Bride
     Blind Dates
     North Carolina
     Virginia Hearts
     Ohio
     Wisconsin Wedding
     Virginia Weddings
     Under the Overpass

7. Say "No."

8. Learn to manage finances
     *Spend less $
     *Save more $

9. Fix car, or sell it and buy a new one

10. Practice photography

11. Write a bucket list

12. Listen more, talk less

Ever Wonder....

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary? Why are some people still so bad at it, then?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word or Excel and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this... ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. Is it more important to see the non-frozen cold food?

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
28. Sometimes I'll look at a clock 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
29. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'll bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
30. My check engine light has been on for over a year now and nothing's happened. I'm starting to think that my car is just an attention whore.

31. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
32. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness...
33. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."
34. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart," all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart."
35. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.
36. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

37. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

38. What would happen if you put a popcorn bag in the microwave with "this side up" facing down?

39. Why do regular Oreos still exist? Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

Thoughts from Zach G., a high school acquaintance.

Resolution(s)

Okay, so I'm not huge on new year resolutions. If you don't make 'em, you can't break 'em. And let's face it just about everybody breaks their new year resolutions, at least most of the people I know do- that is if they even attempted to make any resolutions.

However, my cousin made a list of goals/things to do in the year 2010. I was unaware of this until tonight, when I discovered that she too had a blog and was blogging about her goals and progress towards her goals.
First let me say wow! My cousin is beyond AmAzInG! I am really, really impressed with her, as well as inspired and encouraged- and well I could go on and on about my fabulous cousins whom I love so stinking much!
Anyway, reading my cousins blog totally makes me feel empowered. Like, when I read about all of these amazing things she wants to do and then I see her doing them and being so happy, I don't see any reason (what so ever) why I cannot do that same thing.

Many people talk about turning dreams into goals, accomplishing their goals, and essentially achieving their dreams (or something like that), right?
Well, that is exactly what I am going to do. I am totally motivated and I really believe I can do this.

I am going to start by spending some time tonight (and tomorrow) reflecting on my life: where I've been, where I am currently, and where I want to be.
Tomorrow I will write my list and Saturday I will post it here on my blog.

Pray for me - xo
Thank you, to one of my many fave cousins!

Matthew 22

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself."

I read this blog by Jonathan Acuff and felt conviction for not loving my neighbors when I have so many opportunities to do so; yet too often I turn the other way.

A Lost Egg

I was walking back from the mailbox(es) to my apartment building when I discovered an egg. I live next to a pond and my neighborhood has a couple of lakes within its perimeters as well, so we have a lot of ducks and geese wodnering around all the time. So, I'm assuming the egg belongs to one of the geese due to its really large size. I placed it on the other side of the walk way near where some geese and their baby chicks were grazing, hoping it might adopt the egg and take it under their wing (pun intented).


But, in addition to doubting that the other geese will mother the egg that is not theirs, I'm wondering if maybe it's too late for the egg. If it is too late for the egg (as sad as that would be), I wonder how safe it would be to maybe attempt to make scrambled egg for lunch with the egg. Not only would it be safe, but would it even taste good?

Hmm....Food for thought (again, pun intended) =P

Lip Gloss & An Egg

I began to not feel well yesterday afternoon, I didn't get a good night sleep, and I awoke this morning still not feeling well. In addition to not feeling well, I wasn't feeling very pretty today either. I know it's just going to be one of those weeks and I will begin feeling well soon. But in spite of not feeling well, I still wanted to feel pretty. What girl doesn't (want to feel pretty)?

So, for today -even though I have no intentions of going anywhere (besides the mail box)- I styled my hair with two cute partial braids pulling back into a ponytail and applied a little lip gloss. Although, I am still not feeling physically well, I do feel slightly better and I feel much prettier too.

Ya know there's those girls who just can't seem to have enough handbags or enough shoes? Well, I'm like that with my lip gloss. I almost always carry multiple lip glosses. I like how wearing a little lip gloss can make me feel really pretty no matter the day, place, time, or what I'm wearing.

My LIP GLOSS is my little bit of fabulousness!

The Bus Stop: God's Perspective

I get to the bus stop and notice all the different kinds of people. Male, female, young, old, skinny jeans, overalls, high heels, sneakers, hispanic, asian, etc. and though I can barely form a complete thought I catch myself judging these people. Assuming things about them that I have no clue about.
All of a sudden I’m looking at the faces of these people and thinking to myself, “You are the beloved child of God”. I look at everyone I see. People waiting at the bus stop with me, people walking to work. “You, YOU, are the beloved child of God.”

God does not ask you to judge others. God asks you to love others.

I Like a Challenge

I like a challenge. I like the risk and the rush. I also like how it kind of pushes me to the edge, and in a sense how it challenges my faith [in God].

But when God challenges me I get totally freaked and scared. The ironic thing about it is that God's challenge is as simple as this: "Come, follow me."

So, if God's challenge is as simple as that, then why does it scare me so much?

God's challenge asks me to surrender everything I am, everything I know, and everything that forms my comfort zone to no longer be who I am, but to be who he calls me to be: a godly child. It asks me to strip away with every label that has ever been stamped on me: classmate, student, cheerleader, cross counrty runner, track runner, pole vaulter, diver, swimmer, exercise science major, girlfriend, babysitter- EVERYTHING! It asks me to be only this: a child of God. I am asked to wear no other label or stamp but this that tells the world I am His.

However this is a lot easier said than done and it's a bit scarey as well. Becuase we find comfort in our labels; and so to strip ourselves of these labels is putting ourselves in a vulnerable position, stepping outside and away from our comforts.

It's in stepping outside of our comfort zones that we must believe with all our heart and soul that when you take a leap of faith, God will give you wings to fly or ground upon which to stand.

Acting Out (I'll Walk This Way)

I’m generally like to imagine I’m a calm, collected, neat, nice person. I usually do a pretty darn good job convincing myself that this is true. Don’t you? But the reality is, I’m a freakin WRECK. And it totally side blinds me. One minute I’m all, “it’s cool, we’re cool, everythings cool, whatevs” and then OH MY GOD THE SHIT IS GOING D.O.W.N.

I’ll call it reacting. It’s really all semantics but some words just say what I want to say. In this case, it’s reaction and action. Reaction is when I freak. When it hits the fan and I respond to it without even thinking. It’s blind almost. It’s usually not good for me or anyone around me. It comes from a painful place in me; hurt, bitterness. It’s my survival mode. I feel attacked, so I get real defensive. I feel disrespected so I put someone else down. I feel controlled and under pressure so I bust out with all sorts of crazy emotions to relieve it. It is not good.

Action, on the other hand is the polar opposite. It’s when I create something (an action) out of a free, open, space. Where I am aware of what I am doing, have thought it through and planned it out. It comes from a place of patience, kindness and compassion. It’s a good decision. It doesn’t feel threatened or defensive. Instead it offers something to someone else instead of pushing them away. It gives, instead of begs.

Saint John calls it love vs fear and henri nouwen calls it hospitality vs hostility. Action vs. reaction. I’m usually living somewhere in the middle of the two. I love at times and am scared to death at times. I’m hostile and critical in one breath and offer forgiveness in the next. I’m doing something with a purpose one minute and the next I’m just waiting for someone to do something to me. But the choice is there.

It essentially is a survival instinct. We’re afraid of death. But Love has conquered death. We’re afraid of what others will do to us that could kill our reputation. But Love gives us our identity. Something happens and we flee or fight. Love is silent and submissive. Turns the other cheek.

Reaction has no intentionality; it is wild, uncontrollable. Intentionality is all that action is. Purposeful, meaningful. I want to come from a place of Love. Where I am not afraid of being attacked or what others may think of me. Where I don’t react in defense but I offer an open safety to others. That is peace. Jesus never reacted. He always knew what the Father was doing. He was always acting, doing what the Father was doing. Oh, if I could live in that safe place, that home.

I have read St. Francis’ prayer many times, but this time one specific part stood out to me. Because I realized I had no idea what it meant,

“Oh divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console; to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love; for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.”

I have always thought that I needed to be loved, to be understood. That I couldn’t function without those. And maybe, on some level it’s true. But when I find myself reacting, it’s because I’ve forgotten that I’m already loved and understood by my creator. But I try to find it in another people. It’s when I don’t feel loved by other people or other people don’t understand me that I react out of fear in hostility. But this prayer helped me see that giving love and understanding and consolation are better. That is actually what I should seek. To give. To reach out. I’m so busy looking for what I already have. Once I see that I have it, then I can move from that place and give. That is action. I don’t have to be afraid of being hurt or liked. I don’t have to explain things or impress anyone-what happiness!

deMello says it well,

“There is yet another illusion, that it is important to be respectable, to be loved and appreciated, to be important. Many say we have a natural urge to be loved and appreciated, to belong. That’s false. Drop this illusion and you will find happiness. We have a natural urge to be free, a natural urge to love, but not to be loved. Sometimes in my psycho-therapy session I encounter a very common problem: Nobody loves me; how, then, can I be happy? I explain to him or her: “you mean you never have any moments when you forget you’re not loved and you let go and are happy?” of course they have….

In India, many of our poor people are starting to get transistor radios, which are quite a luxury. “everybody has a transistor,” you hear, “but I don’t have a transistor, I’m so unhappy.” Until everyone started getting transistors, they were perfectly happy without one. That’s the way it is with you. Until somebody told you you wouldn’t be happy unless you were loved, you were perfectly happy. You can become happy not being loved, not being desired by or attractive to someone. You become happy by contact with reality. That’s what bring happiness, a moment-by-moment contact with reality. That’s where you’ll find God; that’s where you’ll find happiness. But most people are not ready to hear that.”

Remember, remember your First Love. Stop seeking. It’s already yours. You need nothing from any person. You need only to love and give. Reach out. Offer. Act.

I’m write these words not as one who practices them well but as one who hopes that the reading of her own words will inspire her to do the very things she writes of.

I'll Walk This Way Blog