Everywhere

I know I previously wrote that somehow, in some strange way, the pain and the hurt feels right. But the hurt and pain also really sucks.

Daniel is all I have been able to think about since we split Friday evening. If I'm not thinking about him, then something reminds me of him; he's everywhere. I saw him for a split second in church today, but I didn't get to see him or talk with him before he left. There's also a slight chance he might have been avoiding me, and I don't blame him. We agreed to be friends, but it might take some time before he's ready for that. I know I hurt him a lot, and it's killing me to know that I caused so much hurt and pain to someone. And not just anyone, but my best friend. I actually kind of hate myself quite a bit for that. All Daniel ever did was care for me and love me, and I broke his heart and crushed him. And for that I am such a terrible person.

I really wish I could see him, talk with him and hug him. I know I'm going to get through this, I just don't know how I am going to get through this or how long it might take. I don't really know what I am suppose to do, how I'm suppose to feel or anything like that.

And the Bible doesn't say anything about dating. Although, a long time ago my best friend Kim shared with me what the Bible does say about the brokenhearted:

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:17-18

My prayer is this: that God be close to both Daniel and I, deliver us both from our troubles, and that we may both find healing in Christ our Healer. I also continue to pray for Daniel's forgiveness for all that hurt and pain I've caused him, and for being such a disappointment to him.

Sincerely and Truly,

me.