Acres of Hope

He will allure her

He will pursue her

And call her out

To wilderness with flowers in His hand

She is responding

Beat up and hurting

Deserving death

But offerings of life are found instead

She will sing

She will sing

Oh, to You

She will sing as in the days of youth

As You lead her away

To valleys low

To acres of hope

Acres of hope

Here in the valley

Walk close beside me

Don’t look back

For love is growing vineyards up ahead

You have called me master

And though you’re in the dark here

Call me friend

And call me lover and marry me for good

She will sing

She will sing

Oh, to You

She will sing as in the days of youth

As You lead her away

To valleys low

To acres of hope

Acres of hope

How the story ends is

Love and tenderness in Him

Not safe, but worth it

So the valley’s up ahead

Or the ones we live

We’ll sing together

We’ll sing together

We will sing

We will sing

Oh, to You

We will sing as in the days of youth

As You lead us away

To valleys low

To acres of hope

Acres of hope

(By: Shane Barnard and Robbie Seay)

“Lord, sustain me in the valley. Give me ears to hear your sweet tender voice and lead me in to acres of hope in this dry and weary land.”

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope. There she will sing as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. ‘In that day,’ declares the LORD,’you will call me 'my husband'; you will no longer call me 'my master. (Hosea 2:14-16)

Both this song and bible verse have be of encourage me tonight in this difficult time in my life. I love Daniel so much and I also want to be with him very much. However, God is first in my life. One day the Lord will call a man to pursue me and to be my husband. But until that day, God is my husband, and I have to trust and know that He is enough.



Flipped

My world has been flipped like a snow globe, and while the snow and glitter have been swirling all over the place like crazy mad, I can finally say it's all slightly beginning to settle.

Dan and I had some closure, and we're on our way to taking some steps towards, what I pray to be, a most wonderful friendship directed by God on a foundation of love and respect.

I'm feeling very confident about the year of 2011, it's going to be a good year.

...one day at a time...

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Not Selfish, But Obedient

I learned today that I was incorrect in one of my previous posts. Not only are selfish and self-seeking actually very similar (they're basically like cousins), my decision was not by any means selfish nor was it self-seeking for it was an act of obedience. Although I wish there was another way, I want to do God's will. And I am willing to accept that this is the path God has for me at this time. Also I've learned that while God calls us to be obedient, it doesn't necessarily mean it's going to be easy.

Romans 12:3

For by the grace given me I say to everyone of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Philippians 2:3-4

3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4 Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Isaiah 26:3-4

3 You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you. 4 Trust in the Lord forever.

P.S. I want thank all of my dear friends and family from the bottom of my heart for your love and support during this challenging time in my life. You have all been so wonderful and helpful; without you I would still be lost and hurting. Thank you! xoxo <3

Selfish Love

I have the understanding that we are most selfish when we are young; and as we grow older life requires us to be more selfless.

Yes, breaking up with Dan was selfish of me. But this is the time in my life when I need to be selfish and make decisions for me; not do what I think others want me to do or expect me to do. If I don't do what I need to do for me, then I become a people pleaser. I can say from experience that being a people pleaser, or at least trying to be a people pleaser, is not a possible task. You absolutely cannot please everyone; and so I am not going to try, it's not my job to try and please everyone...or anyone for that matter. I am only to please God.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says this: Love is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps not record of wrongs.

Though my decision was selfish, it was not self-seeking. My decision(s) have been guided by the Lord, for I am merely seeking the Lords will for me at this time in my life.

In the words of Dan: I always held our relationship in an open palm for the Lord to take if he willed. Now, I must do my best to make good on that belief.

Whether or not love is blind, I do not know. But I do know: love is not self-seeking.

To Mend A Broken Heart

I'm not really sure where to go from here. I spent last night crying (a lot), journaling, and praying. The only thing I can think to do now is to take one step at a time. If I can just have strength for one step, that one step will be followed by another and another which over time will become a multitude of steps. And once enough steps have been taken, I will be where God wants me to be.

If anyone has any pointers or advice on how to mend a broken heart, I will gladly take them.

Everywhere

I know I previously wrote that somehow, in some strange way, the pain and the hurt feels right. But the hurt and pain also really sucks.

Daniel is all I have been able to think about since we split Friday evening. If I'm not thinking about him, then something reminds me of him; he's everywhere. I saw him for a split second in church today, but I didn't get to see him or talk with him before he left. There's also a slight chance he might have been avoiding me, and I don't blame him. We agreed to be friends, but it might take some time before he's ready for that. I know I hurt him a lot, and it's killing me to know that I caused so much hurt and pain to someone. And not just anyone, but my best friend. I actually kind of hate myself quite a bit for that. All Daniel ever did was care for me and love me, and I broke his heart and crushed him. And for that I am such a terrible person.

I really wish I could see him, talk with him and hug him. I know I'm going to get through this, I just don't know how I am going to get through this or how long it might take. I don't really know what I am suppose to do, how I'm suppose to feel or anything like that.

And the Bible doesn't say anything about dating. Although, a long time ago my best friend Kim shared with me what the Bible does say about the brokenhearted:

17 The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. 18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. -Psalm 34:17-18

My prayer is this: that God be close to both Daniel and I, deliver us both from our troubles, and that we may both find healing in Christ our Healer. I also continue to pray for Daniel's forgiveness for all that hurt and pain I've caused him, and for being such a disappointment to him.

Sincerely and Truly,

me.

It Must Have Been Love

I'm letting go of what I can't hold on to, and letting go of what was never mine.

I'm making choices regarding decisions I've been searching for answers to for a long time. One of which was to break up with my boyfriend. It just doesn't feel right to be in a dating relationship at this time in my life; It's not what I want right now. This has been extremely difficult for me. Dan is a great man whom I do love very much; he was my first boyfriend and he is one of my best friends. But my heart feels right about this decision. It hurts so incredibly much, but in some strange way the hurting feels right too.

And now that we're apart, I'm learning to live without the a piece of my heart.